I grew this all by myself

[swaytosway]

http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i60/marley_lin/100_0422.jpg


subsequently died, but I take pride and pleasure in the moment, that's what you have to do when you lack discipline, responsibility, and an honest work ethic.

It's a clematis.

[swaytosway]

I'm bored.
my soul mate has left me to go to a BC Lions football game. doubt you know of the CFL, when you have the NFL.
what's that, Crap Footbal League? I don't even know what I'm talking about, I have no frame of reference to good or bad football and couldn't give a shit.
I do care that my Todd Bertuzzi got traded from the Canucks. He was hot, that was basically my reason for watching hockey, and because it was usually a social event consistent with binge beer drinking. The second to last stanley cup game, the one that was in edmonton, I read in the paper that after that game, the police made 400 arrests for drinking/rowdiness etc. I don't even think they were arrested, just detained. They took them all to a curling rink for the night. Which sounds like a good time, if they got to keep their alcohol.

Where I live has the 6th highest rate of known grow ops in my province. We're not a huge city, so that bumps us up to 1st per capita. Some communities have started these 'grow watch' deals, they walk around, look for suspicious cars, sniff for smells, look for basement windows that the curtains never open, watch for tattooed people, people that let their kids run around naked, general riff raff. I think it is sooo stupid.Sure anything to get the community to know one another and foster ownership, but really. Our busted grow ops doubled from maybe 100 to over 200 in a few years. They cite this as caused by the prolific growth of the industry. There has probably been over 5000 grow ops here 10 years ago, there is probably the same amount now.
Its a question of how much fucking money do you want to spend to bring these things down. Fucking legalize it and control it already. The only risk in the neighborhoods now is the bypassing of electrical as a firehazard, charge them for it.

How did I get to here? I don't even smoke much pot anymore, mostly only at the end of a good night. If I do it straight up, I end up curled up in my bed with milk, pizza, cookies, chocolate. Just saying, so you realize it's not like it's my lifestyle, limited vested interest. It's just a waste of $. Just like I read something about all the billions of dollars women spend, not to mention time, on getting rid of wrinkles, plumping this, accenting that, removing hair. Just imagine who the fuck needs that money more than us.
And I can say that all high and mighty, but even if I think I'm not buying that super vitamin c and caffeine firming serum, I still don't know where to direct it. I hate that government lies and just general people scamming people have made me wary of doing anything. If I decided I had $50 to give a pay day, how do I make it matter? I know when my kids are bigger how I will make it matter, I'll give my time and experience and wisdom, but for now I gotta keep most of that for them.

fucking ramble squared, or maybe to the power of 6,
it's all about accuracy.

your ever thoughtful friend, Shalan
Edited by: swaytosway

[swaytosway]

still going, yes i am, and now I was thinking....
you know the perception of loving, obviously subjective, sometimes can be observed objectively if you have measurable acts that define your perception of love- still perception.
I was thinking, for some people, it is such a scary huge, once in a lifetime thing, to say I love you, to be in love. I feel, for me, (maybe it's the Pisces in me, apparently they fall in love at the drop of hat), that I see so many people, could be just a brief encounter, not even anything said, or it could be someone I know well- and I could see loving them. I can imagine so many different scenarios where I could find it. Not meaning sex, but seeing little glimpses into souls, and knowing there are so many ways I could be happy. I guess that's part of my trouble, not many people get that. is that an intimacy slut? intimicy of the mind. Guess that's why my man says "the woman in you, is the worry in me"
He says it's not really me, but what I invite by my candor, and those I engage usually are not playing by the same rules as me. He also says, "you don't understand guys at all"meaning it's all sex, even if it's not the top layer, it's got a root.

[swaytosway]

yeah I'll just talk to myself, that's how all us Canadans like to celebrate the holiday honoring our nations creation. oh yeah and having a pancake breakfast, watching a parade, admiring native art, trying to placate our historical wrongdoing of stealing their land and trying to wipe them out with smallpox infested blankets.
you know what I was talking about on the last post, I know I'm different, you may say flaky, but I really feel sometimes that I have a sense others don't. Maybe too much sensing and that is why I fret over humanity and saving the world so often.
maybe I should just go put my hairy trigger finger to work, a good orgasm cures the world, ha ha just joking, about my finger being hairy- dassa wivetail

[tinkerlion]

ok, i gotta start staying up later (the hours between 2 & 3 ain't pretty when i have to open the store in the morning.)

there are many little, or not so little elements, that grab me in your ramblings. alas, it's hard to compose a response in the glaring morning light. especially without any caffine.

suffice it to say these are the type of musing i believe most of us have. but may not all have the gusto to place where others can see them.




beautiful plant by the way. i'm trying not to kill all mine right now.

[swaytosway]

I din't really explain myself that well. Just to clarify, I wasn't meaning I could love 20 men all at once. More that I could see different possible courses of life, or maybe parallel universe shit. whatever, right? I'm sure you were all waiting with bated breath for me to clarify a few of my more vague points.
and I have
because
accuracy is next to godliness